Scarlott Letters

Just some stuff I find funny…

Naked and Afroed

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Bright and early this morning my wayward butt pellet finally made good on its escape. The spot was really tender this morning and as I gingerly felt of it, a perfect pellet just popped out like April the giraffe giving birth. Ok, not that messy and it’s more the size of a couple of grains of rice than 150 pound baby and I don’t have to raise it or pay for college, but it was still kind of traumatic for me and my butt cheek. I’ll admit I kinda freaked the hell out. Downstairs I related the grisly incident. Nubb: I can’t believe you’re talking about butt pellets. Me: Hey, I figure when the vibrator makes its first appearance any subject is fair game. Nubb: You make a good point.

Today was massage day for ten lucky people. This place has a two table outdoor massage pavillion. Insane. We had massages the year we went to Eleuthera by a woman named Monique who had some serious mystical mojo going on and has become a legend among us. Since then, she is the standard against whom all others are judged. Monique was not dethroned, but it was close. The massage was Devine but I did have a small issue. As any curly head can tell you the first rule of curly haired girls is, don’t touch your hair. The second rule of curly haired girls is, DON’T TOUCH YOUR HAIR! Where curls are concerned the less you fuss with them the better. Things can turn Roseanne Rossana Dana bad in a heartbeat. If my masseuse had understood English I would have told her to skip the scalp massage. Instead, she was going at my head like a rotary sander, but in a good way. Between all the head massage and oil on my neck, I had a greasy mullet in the back and a Phil Specter do on top. The massage was still worth it.

About mid-day, Howler got an email from someone in his office with a request to review a 40 page document. This poor guy apparently has nothing better to do on Monday morning. Howler sent back a picture of him in the pool surrounded by all us women and a note saying, “Sorry! I’ve already got my hands full.” His colleague responded that he was jealous and offered to be here by tomorrow to lend a hand. That guy’s dedication to the firm is commendable.

I won’t tell you what we had for lunch and dinner because you would just hate us. After dinner we played a couple of games of Heads Up. It’s played on an iPad. You divide into teams, the men against the women naturally, pick a category and the person holding the iPad above their head gets clues and has to guess the phrase from the chosen category. Picture this, the women are up, the category is Adult Supervision, the phrase is Kama Sutra. We are shouting out clues such as “famous book that illustrates different sexual positions!” Sassy’s answer…wait for it…I kid you not…honest to God…”Fifty Shades of Grey.” Best answer of the night and the guys wouldn’t even give us partial credit for creativity. We still beat them by one point. That must hurt. 




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