Scarlott Letters

Just some stuff I find funny…

Would that make it the 5th or the 6th annual???

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For the fifth time in six years, five crazy couples will be leaving soon for a week on Tortola in the British Virgin Islands. You might have noticed that the math doesn’t work out exactly right for an annual trip. That’s because we missed last year and let me tell you, I heard about the lapse all year long.  Since we skipped a year, I’m not sure if this counts as the 5th Annual Let’s-Get-Kicked-Off-Another-Island Tour and Beer Fest or the 6th. Joe is a CPA and his partners frown upon taking a vacation in the middle of tax season, which is very small-minded if you ask me, but our goal is to leave every year as soon as the getting is good, which this year is April 18th.

Last year, my daughter Whitney was expecting a baby due on May 6th. This unfortunate date played havoc with our island vacation plans. It effectively put a big ‘ol X on anything from mid-April through the middle of May. Joe: “Do you really have to be there? It is our seventh grandchild after all. It’s not like she’s the first. You could go for a visit as soon as we get back.” Me: “YES! I really have to be there, you stupid, stupid man.” The “stupid, stupid man” wasn’t actually said as much as implied.20110428-084945.jpg

I could just imagine a conversation with Jolee, the child in question, a few years from now.  Jolee: “Honey, why aren’t you in any of the pictures from when I was born.” Me: “Well Sweetpea, G-Joe and I really needed a trip to the islands.”  As it turned out, she showed up prematurely, several weeks early. You just never know.  Anyhoo, Joe sorely missed our post tax season trip. Apparently, it was my fault that he didn’t get to relieve his stress by staring trance-like for hours at crystalline turquoise water, with a beer in his hand. I told him it was not my fault…it was Jolee’s fault.

flookThis year, we are making our first repeat performance. We are going back to Frenchman’s Lookout ( on Tortola. I assume that since they let us rent the place, they have forgotten our earlier visit. It’s a beautiful five bedroom villa and comes with a cook for breakfast. Last time, breakfast was provided.  This time, the cook is provided but we have to buy the food. I guess everyone is feeling the crunch. Getting there has turned out to be a challenge, but as usual, Julia has come through in style. It’s going to be epic. And to my fellow compadres, I call dibs on our old bedroom/suite.

In conclusion, Joe thought I should remind our traveling buddies, Tres & Julia Ward, Dave & Gina Kulbeth, Eddie & Denise Holcomb and Dave & Judy Shatzer, of “the rules.”  We came up with these the first year and they still apply, although I have made a few changes on my own.  They are for your own protection, so no grumbling.

Rule #1 – Cursing is not only allowed, it is encouraged. There are only a couple of words that would earn you gasps and dirty looks…and don’t pretend you don’t know what they are. “Gosh”, “darn” and “shoot” are not acceptable and might get you bitch slapped, Tres.
Rule #2 – Drinking alcohol is not only allowed, it is highly encouraged, however, you may only drink as long as you can stay upright.  Drinking many different types of alcohol in the same day is perfectly acceptable. Any resulting embarrassing incidents will be recorded and immediately uploaded to Facebook. I am the sole judge of what is deemed Facebook-worthy…and I can guarantee nothing I do will make the cut.  I cannot make the same guarantee for the rest of you.
Rule #3 – Smoking cigars is acceptable…anything else and ‘I’ve never seen him before in my life, officer.’
Rule #3a – Under no circumstances can any female smoking a cigar be photographed…good grief, our kids could see that.
boratRule #4 – Men will not be required to wear a man-thong, banana hammock, mankini, or Speedo but will get extra attention and favors from the ladies if they are so inclined. (I just threw that one in there for myself.)
Rule #5 – Music from The Midnight Special will be limited to no more than four hours a day.  Anything by the Bee Gees will get your iPod privileges revoked.
Rule #6 – The Internet will work at all times, otherwise, your friendly blogger becomes very, VERY surly. This is non-negotiable.
Rule #7 – Bribes are accepted, even expected, by the aforementioned blogger.  If you need an incentive, remember that I can paint you in any light I wish.
Rule #8 – We must do all in our power to have a good time and to come back to Texas as friends. If this is not possible, you are responsible for burying the bodies on your own.
P.S. Joe says that he wants a vote on the Facebook posts I mention in Rule #2. He has obviously forgotten that the British rule by monarchy…and I’m the Queen.

One thought on “Would that make it the 5th or the 6th annual???

  1. That third picture is hideous!!  If anyone in your group wears that, I would consider uninviting them (him) next year.  Cindy Walton

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