Scarlott Letters

Just some stuff I find funny…

Day 1 – One Suitcase for Clothes, Two for Alcohol


I should probably take this opportunity to reintroduce this year’s castaways.  Tres and Julia are with  us again, which is good considering Julia did all the planning for the trip. We would have ended up in a tiki hut with a port-a-potty and no refrigeration for beer if I’d been in charge, which is why I’m not. Tres, well I’m not sure exactly what his role is, but if any of us has an island vibe it’s him.  I’ve owned recliners that aren’t as laid back.  Dave and Gina are back again, each providing essential talents.  Gina is our own personal Martha Stewart.  Her suitcase is somehow magically bottomless.  Whatever you need, she’s got it…sunscreen, a hat, 30 lbs. of tenderloin (no kidding), a Jet ski, no problem.  And without Dave we would never get to drink.  No one breaks the alcohol barrier until Dave K has his first Bloody Mary in hand.  It’s a rule.  This is the third year for Eddie and Denise.  By the end of the trip, Eddie will have filled up at least ten 32G SD cards, which will each hold approximately 10,000 pictures.  You do the math.  I might look good in one of them.  Denise is a riot.  She is one of the few people I know who can match my level of sarcasm, which means she has a black belt.  Dave and Judy are our only non-Turks-virgins.  Having been there before, Dave S will be our own Frommer’s travel guide, but better. Judy is funny in her own right and will help us get on island time because that’s her normal time. Then there’s Joe and I.  Enough said.

In case I’ve already pissed off a traveling companion, or a reader, I should probably take this opportunity to give you my blog guidelines.  First, I love all these people.  Anything I say is in the spirit of fun…and might be slightly exaggerated.  That’s called artistic license, which is a real thing.  You can look it up.  And it pretty much gives me free reign to say most anything, which brings me to my second point.  I apologize.  I figured I might as well get that out of the way. My humor and language can be crude at times, so if you’re easily offended, quit reading right now.  If you’re still here, I’m pretty sure it’s legally binding that you agree not to get your panties in a wad at anything I might write. Now that my attorney/nephew is satisfied, I can get on with our trip.  <Joe says he doesn’t think I need the disclaimer. I told him it was mostly for my readers. He said, “Don’t they know you at all?”  Good point.>

We all met bright and early this morning at DFW Airport.  Over breakfast Dave K got us started right with a bloody Mary, which was a good thing because it reminded us that we needed to get ourselves to the duty free shop to buy a cart load of alcohol before departure. I have included a picture of our actual cart.  I’m not sure that’s enough to last the week, but fortunately we have rum waiting for us in Turks.  As it turned out, we had to pay customs coming into Turks for excess alcohol.  I don’t know whether to take that as a bad sign or a good one.  The jury is still out.

Our plane left right on time, which can only mean one thing…American is having an off day.  This brings me to traveling first class. Yeah, if you ever have the opportunity to ride up front, do that.  Not only do they bring your nuts to you hot in a crystal dish, but you even get cashews and almonds in the mix.  Plus we got a full meal…and free drinks…and the stewardess fixed me fresh brewed ice tea…and the very best thing about first class, fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, which must drive the people in coach crazy. Our upgrade to first class is still not confirmed for the return flight and if we don’t get it, I’m gonna be bummed, but the rest of the group would probably get a chuckle out of it.

I see pictures from our previous trips all the time, but every year I forget how beautiful the water of the Carribean is until we’re flying over it. Villa Paprika is gorgeous.  There’s not a bad room in the house, all with great views.  I’ll be posting some additional pictures for your viewing pleasure once I’ve got daylight.

After dinner, a trip to the grocery store was called for.  Apparently, $200 worth of mixers and beer were also called for.  Beer is $48/case here, in case you’re wondering.  Of course, a jug of OJ is $11…but you do have a great view while you drink your screwdriver.  I think Turks & Caicos is one of those places that proves the adage “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.”  

As I finish up, we are sitting poolside. Our bellies are full, drinks have been poured, cigars have been smoked, lies have been told and I’ve run out of funny.  Stay tuned for tomorrow’s adventures.


3 thoughts on “Day 1 – One Suitcase for Clothes, Two for Alcohol

  1. You know how to have waaaay too much fun!!!!!!!!!!!! Have some fun for me! This is one place on our “to do” list as we are virgins also!!! 🙂

  2. Enjoy my sweet and slightly inebriated friends!!! It looks beautiful!

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