Scarlott Letters

Just some stuff I find funny…

Day 8 – Total Consciousness

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I’m sure this will start a firestorm of controversy, but I think Caddy Shack is one of the worst movies ever made. It ranks right up there with Pineapple Express in my book, and there’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back. But if you’ve ever picked up a golf club or have a penis I’m sure you will try to convince me otherwise. Don’t waste your time. I don’t get it. That being said, there is one really good moment when Bill Murray’s character, Carl Spackler, is talking about how he caddied for the Dalia Lama who stiffed him on the tip. Carl says, and I paraphrase, “Lama, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, and Lahma said ‘Oh, there will be no money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness’, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.” After my massage with Monique, I feel like I have received total consciousness and it is nice. Let me just say, Best. Massage. Ever. I want to bring her back to Texas with me. Of course, if I stayed this relaxed all the time I’d probably never get anything done, but I wouldn’t care.

I must go back briefly to last night because I left out one of the best things. Gina and Denise bought us all tee shirts for the trip, and they are not just any tee shirts. Last year we drank a 55 gallon drum of Painkillers, which is a wonderful island rum drink. In honor of that, the women’s shirts say “Pain” and the men’s shirts say “Killer”. Not only that, but they are in the brightest neon pink and chartreuse you’ve ever seen. You’ve got to wear sunglasses to look at these things. They also have our names on the back…in rhinestones for the women only, which I’m sure the guys appreciate. We are special. We decided the fish fry last night was the perfect place to break them out and boy, did they cause a stir. Someone asked if we were a fishing team. Huh? I didn’t know there was such a thing, although now that I think about it, Scooter Bivens

had a partner on this season of Mud Cats, but they certainly didn’t have shirts of any kind, which would have been a big improvement. There are some things you just can’t un-see and Scooter Bivens back hair is one of them. Someone else thought we were a (senior) softball team and another wanted to know if we were part of a political party. Denise told them, “Yes, it’s called Republican.” On the way home we decided, in the future, if anyone asked, we are going to say we were a group of square dancers.

Our farewell dinner was outstanding. Beryl cooked fresh conch fitters, fried grouper, bacon-wrapped shrimp, sweet potatoes, rice and vegetables. Denise and Gina made a mango cake for tonight’s dinner and it was a trial waiting until tonight to get into it, but somehow we managed, and it was worth the wait.

After dinner, Dave K. And Joe smoked their last cigar and finished off the 18-year-old (Glenlivet Scotch). We’re trying to figure out how to finish what’s left of the tequila, vodka, rum and Crown in the next few hours, but alas I think we might miss our flight if we succeed.

It’s been a great trip, with great friends…and as far as I know, we all still like each other. I’d say that alone makes it a success! Thanks to Julia for all her hard work with all the planning. One of these years we’re going to do the planning for her and let her take the year off…just kidding, that’s never going to happen. She’ll just have to accept our undying gratitude for a job well done. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading about our adventures as much as I enjoyed writing about them.

Until next year,

Uma Hemingway

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