It’s hard to believe that a year has passed and it’s time for the Third Annual Beach Blanket Profanity or Let’s-See-If-We-Can-Get-Kicked-Off-Another-Island Tour. It’s no coincidence that we pick a different island for our excursion every year. Once the statute of limitations runs out we might entertain a return visit to a former destination.
Our lucky host this year is the island of Eleuthera, in the Bahamas. The island is only a mile wide, but over a 100 miles long. There are three small airports on the island but could we fly in to the one that is not an hour and a half drive from our destination? No, we could not. The house where we are staying is called Five Palms and they have a great website and Facebook page.
The cast of characters remains fairly constant. Last year, our friends from Midland who went with us the first year, Dave & Judy Shatzer, couldn’t make it and I’m happy to say they have come over to the dark side again. Unfortunately, Kirk & Julie Stumberg couldn’t make it this time. We will miss you guys. Be comforted in the fact that we will drink one (or ten) for you. The other couples remain the same…Tres & Julia Ward, Dave & Gina Kulbeth, Eddie & Denise Holcomb and Joe Rogers and me (and I’m happy to say that by next year we will officially be Joe & Sherree’ Rogers). Kirk & Julie played the wedding card last year and got the master suite. Think that would work for us this year? We could treat this as a pre-honeymoon…
A couple of years ago we came up with a list of rules for the trip. They served us well, so I am including them here as a refresher:
Rule #1 – Cursing is not only allowed, it is required. There are only a couple of words that would earn you gasps and dirty looks…and don’t pretend you don’t know what they are. “Gosh”, “darn” and “shoot” will not be acceptable and might get you bitch slapped, Tres.
Rule #2 – Drinking alcohol is not only allowed, it is required, however, you may only drink as long as you can stay conscious.
Rule #3 – Smoking cigars is acceptable…anything else and ‘I’ve never seen him before in my life, officer.’
Rule #3a – Under no circumstances can any female smoking the aforementioned cigar be photographed…good grief, our kids could see that.
Rule #4 – Men will not be required to wear a man-thong but will get extra attention and favors from the ladies if they decide to do so. (I just threw that one in there for myself.)
Rule #5 – We must do all in our power to have a good time and to come back to Texas as friends. If this is not possible, you are responsible for burying any bodies on your own.
Rule #6 – Invitations to Poundtown must be made discretely so as not to offend those who may not get to town very often.
I think this is enough to get us started. I reserve the right to add to the rules at my own discretion at a later date. It’s going to be a blast!
For those of you living vicariously through our ragtag group, try not to hate us for our good fortune. We get hangovers just like everyone else…ours are just on pristine beaches, with a cook to bring us our morning bloody Mary. And, as always, I feel compelled to warn you that if you are easily offended you should just go ahead and delete anything from me…of course, if that’s the case I don’t know how you are even reading this right now. My Mother raised me right and she is not to blame for my bawdy and irreverent humor. She asks herself every day where she went wrong…